---3. Worksheet. Reciprocity & Care
Seminar Activities
Reciprocity: Saludos and Remittances
When someone migrates for work, they often stay connected to their family not just through phone calls—but through money. Arnold shows us that in many Salvadoran families, remittances and warm greetings go hand in hand. If the money stops, the messages stop too.
Is this cold? Not necessarily. It might just be another way of keeping love going across distance—through mutual responsibility.
the Portillo family recorded saludos to several mi- grant siblings. The son who had stopped sending remittances was not included in the list of those being greeted (p. 143)
In this way, money doesn’t cancel love—it makes it possible. Without remittances, the migrant is no longer part of the family circuit of care. The relationship frays.
It’s tempting to say that if love is real, it shouldn’t depend on money. But Arnold helps us see it differently: in these families, emotional connection is expressed through acts of giving, including financial ones.
➤ Have you ever felt more emotionally connected to someone after giving or receiving money?
➤ Can financial support be a form of love?
➤ Is a relationship still “real” if it depends on regular exchanges like this?
Commodity exchange creates love
Is money a bad thing? Does it corrupt relationships?
I have noticed that my middle-class Australian friends tend to look down on money, as if it corrupts and ruins relationships. Lan takes a different approach:
the transferring of intimate labor to a “stranger,” that is, someone outside the family and cultural terrain, does not necessarily lead to substandard care service or affective labor. The market-based relationship can enable and produce new forms of intimacy and affect, which are not regulated by filial norms and other cultural baggage. When observing the interaction between migrant caregivers and their clients, I was often surprised at the changing behaviors of Taiwanese elders. When the caregivers softly kissed their cheek or tightly hugged them saying “I love you,” the elders, who probably never verbally expressed affection to their children in an explicit way, replied in broken English, with a smile: “I love you, too!”
The Taiwaneses says “I love you, too” to the migrant worker.
➤ What kind of emotional transformation is happening here?
➤ Does money create love? Can love emerge in market-based care? Do you agree that paid caregiving can create forms of intimacy that family norms might suppress?
Reciprocity with cognitively disabled son
Aaron Jackson decides how since Takoda was four, had spent a lot of time in hospitals. Aaron never got used to the feeling of helplessness. Takoda had been forced to fast longer all day long:
He looked pale and exhausted. I felt a terrible wrenching inside as I reached out to tickle his tummy. His face and eyes brightened with a beautiful smile. His smile made me laugh (such exuberance after nine hours), which made him giggle in return. We chuckled. Then, I moved nearer to him on the gurney, warmth and affection swelling inside me. I spoke some com- forting words. He giggled in return and vocalized, but this time there was a subtle change in his expression. I gently stroked his tummy, my joy mixing with a disquieting unease. Then his giggle slowly devolved into a tired whine. He phased out and rolled over onto his side with his back to me. An ache fretting my heart, I stroked his hair and whispered that everything was going to be okay.
Aaron felt his emotions through my body's resonance. Our emotions and motions were intrinsically connected. They were monitoring each other. This was an experience of "we" of shared emotions. Aaron was enjoyed to his joy and then to his consternation. But there was experiential convergence.
➤ Can we analyse this as reciprocity / "The Gift"?
➤ Does it go beyond The Gift?
Gifts and the Circulation of Care
Last week you mapped out your kinship network. This week, we’ll add a layer to that same diagram: who gives what to whom, and what this tells us about care, obligation, and reciprocity. File Upload
1. This week, you're reusing your kinship diagram—but now you're adding a layer that tracks gifts.
Please annotate your diagram with:
Arrows:
→ for gifts you gave
← for gifts you receivedNumbers next to each person: how many gifts (objects, favours, help, care packages, etc.) have passed between you over the past 12 months
Gifts can be things, services, or messages. Try to think widely! A birthday card, a lift to the airport, a "thinking of you" package—all count.
2.
According to your updated diagram, who is most central in terms of gift exchange?
(That is: who has the most arrows pointing both in and out?)
Choose one:
A parent or grandparent
A romantic partner
A close friend
A younger relative (e.g. niece/nephew)
Someone you help but don’t feel close to
There wasn’t a clear pattern
3.
Based on your diagram, do you think that every gift you give or receive expresses care?
Write 2–3 sentences reflecting on this question. Consider:
Are some gifts just social obligations?
Are there people you care for, but don’t exchange gifts with?
Can a gift not feel like care—and still be part of a caring relationship?
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